I know that in life, things don’t always go the way you planned. I never asked for anything because I have experienced so much pain and heartache. I’ve learned a lot over the past couple years. I am who I am today because of my past, but I am going to be a better me because of my future. Growing up, I experienced three near death experiences. I also had to deal with family issues, image issues, and a health issue that could’ve been permanent, which I recovered from.
My outlook on life changed, and I became more optimistic on life because life should be cherished. I believed that if I was good to others, I’d be treated the same way. I firmly stood by this, but I knew that nothing lasts forever. With good, there will be bad, and vice versa. Although I was surrounded by those who cared about me, I ended up getting hurt in relationships. I don’t blame anyone. That’s just life.
I really thought I wouldn’t be able to be happy again, but then came a guardian angel. I know. It’s strange calling him that, but I believe it. He came into my life all of a sudden, made me smile, and made my heart flutter. I felt safe with him. Whenever I needed help, even when I didn’t ask for it, he’d be there for me. He always thought of my best interest, and tried to make me happy. Slowly, but surely, I opened up. I fell in love. I was happy.
My guardian angel was there with me, by my side. I couldn’t be happier, but then, I noticed a change. Little by little, things started changing. I don’t know how to describe it, but I became worried. I even had a dream that he ended up leaving. I tried brushing it off, and told myself everything would be okay. Little did I know, it was a premonition for what was to come. That time came, and I didn’t know what to say or do when it did.
I cried. I got mad at myself. I took my frustration out on myself, and I wouldn’t eat because of it. At work, I’d mask everything. In front of friends, I acted as if I was fine after the first couple weeks, but deep down, it took a lot out of me. I couldn’t sleep properly. Then I realized that I had to stop doing this to myself. It wasn’t healthy. Thus, began the process of facing reality. I had to move forward. I was never mad at him. I could never be mad at him. I was just confused at the whole situation. I was disappointed that he couldn’t really tell me the truth because I felt like he was still holding something back.
Of course, I can’t force anyone to say anything if they don’t want to. So, I’m still unsure what happened. I just know that my guardian angel came, and left. While I do wish him the best, I still worry about him. He always did what he could for me. Maybe if I tried harder. Maybe if I was more caring. Maybe if I could’ve done this or that. Maybe. All I know is, I can only watch from afar and hope for the best. I want to be there for him, but if he won’t let me, I’ll just try to in secret.
To my guardian angel, thank you. ❤